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The gift of insight…

July 24, 2011

I just have to have a picture that goes along with a post, you know?  Otherwise it seems lacking.  This was yesterday… a friend of mine held a princess party for several young girls in our church (she was babysitting two of them) and had the cutest little shindig complete with cookie decorating, find the glass slipper games, etc.  Us grown-up women had to dress up, too 😉

Anyway, several months back I had written a post called “I Am Beautiful.”  It wasn’t a statement of vanity; rather it was an affirmation of the acceptance of the way God made me despite my years of self-loathing and self-criticism.  I had written it after being inspired by a post from my friend Courtney who had written a post about her journey of self-love.

Since that post, Courtney has created a meme on Sunday called “Revolution: the road to self love.”  I had been faithfully reading these posts but didn’t get around to writing one for Sundays until last week.  Because I often wonder how transparent I’ll be on this blog, sometimes posts like these are hard for me.  But I’ve really been praying about today’s post and decided to go ahead and bite the bullet and do it anyway.  Maybe someone will be inspired or affirmed.  Maybe a lot of you couldn’t care less.  But here it goes…

Like many of you, there are certain parts about myself that I haven’t liked, be it physical or personality-wise.  What can often be your best attribute is usually your biggest fault.  I’m a very sensitive person; I’m sensitive in spirit, yet I can also be sensitive situational-wise, so I have to constantly keep that in check.

Physical-wise, I think I’ve discussed some of that.  I have this crazy curly hair that will always be that way.  I’ve received a lot of compliments on it through the years, but there are times when I wish it wasn’t so different.  I have also been… ahem… blessed in the upper torso region.  Not to go too far there, but I’ve struggled with everything that goes with that for years.  There are other things that go along with that, but for right now I’ll just stick to those two.

You see, in the last few weeks I’ve received a huge lesson of self-acceptance when it comes to those two aspects of myself.  After a doctor’s visit, I discovered that…

 … I had a lump in my breast.

I was ordered to have a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound to further check it out.  I scheduled it for as soon as I could (about 6 days later).  For those 6 days I wondered whether or not I had cancer.  I knew the statistics: about only 1 in 10 of those are actually cancerous.  But when you don’t know… you don’t know.  I wondered what my life would be like a month down the road.  Would I undergo chemo/radiation?  Would I be bald?  Would I  have to have a mastectomy?  Worse… would I not beat it and make my husband a widower and my kids without a mom?

You might think I was overreacting, but I really think it was God giving me a gift.  I found out that I did NOT have cancer (praise God!), but through the experience I saw a little insight as to what was really important.  You see, I learned that:

  • For every time I have cursed my hair, there is a woman out there who has lost hers from the harsh treatment for cancer.
  • For every time I have cursed my upper torso region, there is a woman who is dealing with the loss of femininity from having a mastectomy.
  • For every time I have dreaded getting older (on Friday I will turn 37), there’s a woman with unresponsive cancer making videos for her young children (so they’ll remember her) who wonders if she will see her next birthday.

My prayer for you today is that you will truly see yourself the way God sees you; as a unique creation, beautiful in His eyes.  Try not to curse the things that make you, you.  And live each day realizing it is a gift…

Joining this week’s link up at

Perfect Imperfections

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. July 24, 2011 8:08 am

    Yes, that really does put it all in perspective! I’m thankful you’re okay!
    I had a cancer scare once and it really does re-adjust one’s focus. I also remember how thankful we should all be that most of our bodies work virtually pain-free most of the time.
    I get headaches from time to time, but my arms, legs, eyes (with glasses), ears, and brain all work pretty much flawlessly.
    That is not the case with some friends.
    Thank you for sharing. I know how hard it can be.
    You just improved my mood this morning with this significant post.
    🙂

  2. July 24, 2011 9:03 am

    What a wonderful spin on such a scary situation. I definitely know exactly where your head was during those 6 days and where your heart is now. I just know someone will be blessed by reading this. Wonderful, Robin!

  3. July 24, 2011 10:52 am

    I love this. What a wonderful way to look at it. I am so glad everything was okay with the lump in your breast. I had one taken out in 2007. It was scary for sure not knowing whether it was cancerous or not.

  4. July 24, 2011 6:00 pm

    This made me cry. SUCH a good post. So true and humbling. Good for you for “putting yourself out there”!!

  5. July 24, 2011 7:10 pm

    Oh MY! Thank goodness it turned out good & I love your honestly & realness in this post. I think we all go through those thoughts at one time or another depending on what else is going on in our lives. It’s sad that we feel that way- but it is REAL. You ARE beautiful & I am so so happy that you are okay.

  6. July 25, 2011 9:02 am

    I read this yesterday and it took my breath away. I couldn’t reply just then and first needed to collect my thoughts.

    This post really strikes a couple of chords with me. First of all, I am SO VERY RELIEVED that you got good news! We’ve never met face to face but I consider you my friend.

    Secondly, your words really hit me where it hurts and I needed to hear/read them. I’ve been struggling with a lot of things recently, including my appearance and self-worth. Some emotional ups and downs are wreaking havoc in my head and in my heart and you’ve definitely helped to put things in perspective. You see, I learned a very similar lesson several years ago with a cancer scare of my own. The day I got results from my doc was the same day I learned I was pregnant with Perri. Two test results in one day…a bad biopsy after a bad PAP and a positive pregnancy test. Wow. Threw me for a loop. I saw an oncologist throughout the pregnancy. We watched the baby develop and grow while watching the bad cells and hoping that they didn’t. Luckily, their growth stalled, I was able to carry to term, and I delivered a healthy baby girl. A second biopsy then revealed that all the bad cells were gone, swept away during childbirth. My perception of life was altered in ways I can’t begin to explain. But in the past 13 years, the newness of that sensation has faded and old insecurities have crept back in, reestablishing their hold on me. Thank you for reminding me what’s important.

    We put ourselves out there when we blog. We expose our thoughts and feelings for the whole world to see. And while that leaves us vulnerable to others’ opinions, it can also lead to friendships with folks we may have never ‘met’ otherwise. I think that through these long distance/only-as-honest-as-we-wanna-be-when-we-wanna-be friendships we learn acceptance. (I mean really, if we had face-to-face contact daily, we’d expose a whole lot more of ourselves much sooner, wouldn’t we? There would be no hiding some things, whether they’re physical traits or personality quirks.) We are made aware of the things our friends consider to be their faults or flaws, but aren’t they almost always hidden behind all the good things that we like about them? These ‘faults’ are incredibly minor and insignificant when looking at the big picture. And sometimes, MANY times, they aren’t really even ‘faults’ at all! Like beautiful curls or….ahem…’a well endowed upper torso’. ; ) But like I’ve always said, your perception is your reality. If you see these things as faults, you are the one who has to deal with them. I’m glad that you’re learning to accept that you are a beautiful creation of God, because you certainly are!

  7. July 25, 2011 11:01 am

    Robin, this is a beautiful post. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this, but what an amazing lesson for us all. God is so good! Sometimes the lessons He wants to teach seem really, really terrible at the time, but we will emerge stronger and more faithful. I’m so glad you had such a great result!

  8. July 28, 2011 12:43 pm

    This is a truly wonderful post, and I am so glad you shared. I never feel like I have the right words to express my appreciation for posts like this, but know that you are touching lives when you open up 🙂 Hugs!

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